Softly crying, clawing at my hair
Thought we made the perfect pair
Yet now we're broken beyond repair
I'm sorry I was so unaware.
Your fingers on my skin, your gentle caress
Our fingers entwined, your gentle kiss
Your warm embrace; now that was bliss.
These and so many other things I'll miss...
You can just walk away; you don't care
You can throw away everything we shared
But losing you is more than I can bear
And without you, I don't know how I'll fare
There is naught to live for
Knowing I'm no longer yours
I'll die if I see you with someone else
Curl up in a ball all by myself
We were a painting on which we spilled red
Did you ever even love me or was I just good in bed?
Lied to me, promised we'd wed
My body feels weak, my heart feels dead.
I can't bring myself to care about anything
And you've still got me by a string
What have I got? I'm on the brink
Everything is shattering
You pull me close, seeing I'm blue
Say "Cry on my shoulder," and I do
Like hugging a knife that is stabbing you
Nothing we ever wanted will come true
I write bad poetry but I feel so lost
the good news for me is that september comes again
( Collapse )
nothing's wetter than my face
you're standing in the corner
examining the place
you won't say a word
and my face just gets wetter
they say time might heal all,
yet nothing gets better.
i look at you and i love you
i love your twinkling eyes.
you look at my smile
and see something you despise.
i'm just standing here, lost
clutching my sweater
not knowing when we leave this place,
you'll ignore my letters.
you'll change your telephone number
and move far, far away
and i will never get the chance
to say what i need to say.
all you say is "I hate you"
and that I deserve it, too
you're right, I deserve it
but I just can't hate you
where did i go wrong?
why didn't the camel sink under the straw?
your stony face is an Ice Age
and we're too far from thaw
you won't even touch me
you won't even smile
you look at me emotionless
and tell me I'm vile
I can fight every day
but it is a war I can't win.
I'd offer my apologies again
but don't know where to begin.
I don't have a bomb shelter
and I don't have a haven,
so take me off to your Auschwitz
and make sure my head is shaven.
feed me no bread,
I swear I'll be fine.
I won't mind if my limbs
are smooth, solid lines.
Beat me with sticks,
you can burn my arms!
none of these things
will do me any harm.
you refuse, you're better
you don't even want to look at my face.
it is my fault.
you and I, gone to waste.
it's been three years now
and you won't look me in the eye
and i'm remembering that room
where you stood and i cried.
we were friends before then,
but you no longer care
when i needed you most,
you weren't there.
you tell me it's my fault
and it is, you are right.
i'm the only one to blame
for my significant plight.
you don't care for my sorries,
you don't care for my tears.
and this lump in my throat,
i've had it for three years.
I don't know how to feel at this point, because all I want to do is be sitting on that swing and pretending I'll swing over the pool; I want to be riding down that rocky hill with the threat of a severe drop all along the side looming over me; I want to be sitting on that rock with the sun beating down on me and thinking about how nice everything is when we don't overthink, overreact, and over-analyze.
Really, nothing is ever very fair; things don't work that way. Bad things happen to people who don't do very many bad things, and good things happen to people who don't do very many good things. We mold everybody around us; we make their lives.
i have shed tears after nearly every negative interaction with you in the past week.
i don't think anybody gets it
i have absolutely no closure, how am i supposed to believe anything anybody says when my best friend, the person who has always cheered me up, the person who i've always cheered up, the person i can talk to in the English language without anybody else knowing what we are talking about, the person who i have had so many meaningful and meaningless conversations with, the friend who no matter who i might have lost touch with was always there. . .
i don't get it
i just don't understand
do i mean absolutely nothing to you? what does that say about me?
and it sucks that whenever something's wrong, everything reminds you of it, but when our relationship was fine plenty of stuff reminded me of you. and we have so many things that were between us, so many stupid songs, so many stupid phrases, so many stupid things we laughed about - i can't use the shuffle on my ipod anymore. i can't see certain places. i can't hear certain people talk about certain things.
i feel like i have been deemed unworthy and thrust aside into a garbage can to grow old and wilt and die because you've finished your use with me, and all i can do in my garbage can is make friends with the ants and spiders and continue living with memories of you fogging my perception of things
the morning you stopped talking to me i nearly cried without knowing you were mad at me. you know why? because i had this vivid daydream that you died. and i started thinking of how everything would remind me of you and how i would be so depressed and how i'd want to cry every time i heard a Pink song or saw one of those things people tag you in on Facebook. or an ugly hat. we both lost our ugly hats. ~*did our frandsheep go wid zem*~
but seriously. what the hell. why is this happening to me? why can't i go a day with everything being fine
why are you mad at me
why won't you tell me
why won't you talk to me
why won't you care
what am i supposed to do? do what you're doing and ignore you right back? i can't do that. i don't want to stop being friends with you. we had all these plans, what am i going to do with them now?
how dare you go at me for so fucking long
for no fucking reason
how dare you tell me how "great" i used to be
how dare you say i was "smart" when you always told me i wasn't good enough
how dare you tell me i'm stupid now
how fucking dare you
shut the fuck up
and how dare you, you shitbag, when i finally tell you to be quiet
how dare you fucking tell me me saying "be quiet" sounds like a dog barking
i wish i could fuck with you the same way you fuck with me
i wish i fucking could
i'd fuck with your mind every fucking day if i had no conscience
make you feel worthless
make you want to kill yourself
make you feel like nothing
unlike you, i can't do that
i would, you know, feel bad
you don't feel bad
i hate you.
why did i
not see this
wtf am i doing
what the FUCK am i doing
how could i have ever trusted these people
how could i have done this
oh my god
how could i have
sunk so low
how am i doing this
how am i
and nobody cares
except like gary
who i wouldnt talk to anyway
im so glad nobody reads this
i shouldve gotten used to keeping shit to myself